It has been truly an amazing couple of days at the “I am my beloveds” conference! The level and sophistication of the teaching was simplistically complex, if that makes any real or valuable sense! To see Paul and Steve truly ministering in the power of the Spirit was a real thrill.
I wish to share a personal revelation that the Lord has highlighted to me only this afternoon. Anyone who knows me, or has even observed me at any grace east event could testify as to the fact that I am often to be found amidst times of fellowship lost deep in thought. With a far away look of perplexity plastered across my face, I sit giving the impression of being caught up in some revelation or considering some higher point of doctrine. It is often my want to engage Paul or Dean in some higher point of exchanged life theology in order to reinforce this image of being in some kind of higher operation, perhaps systematically mapping the landscape of this grace continent upon which we now find ourselves, but the truth is radically far removed from this picture of intellectual pursuit! The truth is that I am scared to death of rejection. I find it interesting that in one the effect of this fear is to drive them towards a frenzy of activity, and yet in another it leads them towards the perfection of the art of invisibility. My logic goes along the following lines:
If I do not interact at any level, if I do not seek acceptance, I cannot experience rejection.
This may seem somewhat ridiculous in the light of the level of understanding of the grace message that I am in command of, but the Lord has shown me this through the practical outworking of His resident spirit. I have become so set in my methods of self protection that I have simply learned to live with the notion that my life is supposed to be lonely. The Lord has shown me the truth and the truth has set me free. I realised today when I was sitting alone at the conference how much I hated these times of loneliness, how retarded my fellowshipping skills have become. When I was a drug addict I was a veritable fireball, full of confidence and daring. Since coming back to some semblance of reality I have been locked up by fear, never wanting to speak or acknowledge my social disability. I thought that somehow I had become repulsive to those around me, having no confidence in th Spirit of Christ inside me. I really felt that with this revelation came an enormous healing deep inside me.
I now feel I don’t just know the fact that God’s acceptance of me means that I can suffer the rejection of man, I now feel I am liberated by it. I don’t understand I am a new creation; I stand as a new creation. It is so amazing to experience the practical nature of grace, for too long the intellectual theory has governed my life.
I thank God for the true salvation of grace, I thank Him that He has set me free to experience life, and life in super abundance.
Agape <><
I think I underwent the most difficult experience of my Christian life to date this afternoon! On the bequest of my employer I visited the IKEA superstore in pickets lock, I say this is as no exaggeration, it was the most trying experience I have endured for what seemed like years. The nightmare started at the car park, just following the signs to the designated route of entry was trying enough in itself, but then having gained entry, negotiating the interior traffic flow system was way beyond the realms of the ordinarily difficult and into the chaos realms of Sheol.
Having parked and found the entrance to what I have come to realise in reality is Pan’s labyrinth, I made my way into the store. To say that this place was big would be a bit of an understatement! It was the size of two or three aircraft hangers, and I was searching for a shaving mirror. It may not be immediately apparent, but on reflection and upon the result of much prayer and meditation, my conclusion is that whoever is responsible for the design and concept, of the store is either:
a) evil, and in the service of Satan, or
b) Seeking to study the customers in a bazaar version of a rat in a maze style test.
Either way, the first section of the trial is to find one’s way into the “showroom”, which is no easy feat! Finding a member of staff was about as easy as finding a piece of hay in a giant stack full of needles. However I did manage to track a security guard through the western mountainous region of the store, and after much prevarication he directed me to the “showroom”. The “showroom” was located at the top of the building next to the restaurant, it was deceptive in it’s appearance as it seemed to be no bigger than a 50ft rectangle, but like Dr Who’s tardis there was much that could not be seen until you were well into the it'd depths. There were arrows marked upon the floor, leading you through a plethora of house hold adornments, each section seemed to be bigger than the last, and each in some way more obscure. It was only after about fifteen miles, and I was lost in a temporal dimension known as "packing" that my pride was sufficiently battered to seek out another member of staff to help me in my quest for said shaving mirror. Finally I found a young woman who could direct me to the bathroom section where I managed to find the required article, then having procured it I attempted to make my way out. My thoughts were of Theseus at Knosos, seeking his way out of the Labyrinth, I wished I had taken a ball of wool.
I stood at the top of a flight of stairs purveying the landscape of the lower level where apparently I could find a till and pay. As I descended the stairs I found myself thinking of the parallels between my current situation and my spiritual journey into the absurdity of grace. I felt the Lord was showing me something very valuable through this hellish situation. You see I came into the knowledge and salvation of Jesus because I was in need of something, my life was not complete, I could no longer live anymore without a relationship with my Father. I had tried to shave for many years without a mirror, and it was not only foolish, it was very painful and rather ridiculous upon reflection, I needed something as simple as a mirror, I needed Christ. However, having entered upon the pretext of simplicity once I had found my way in I was presented with an enormous challenge, I had to find my way through a monumentally huge amount of unnecessary junk. It was almost as if someone didn’t want me to find the simplicity of the grace and agape of God, rather they wished me to become embroiled in a mire of unscriptural junk. In someway they wanted me to think it wasn’t a shaving mirror I was after, it was a shaving mirror, and a new house to put it in, and that house needed to be furnished with all this splendid regalia and they weren’t going to let me out until I had bought it all.
The woman at the check out watched me put my shaving mirror on the conveyer belt, get my money out and wait till she had finished dealing with the difficult woman in front of me, she then asked:
‘Paying in cash Sir?”
It was then that she informed me that you could only pay in cash at the express check out, as I moved down to isle number five I thought of how many times my currency had been rejected in the kingdom, my works of self provision and righteousness, how pointless they are in this dispensation of grace, as soon as you get to the check out they tell you, ‘you cant spend those here’.
Upon leaving the store I made up my mind then and there that IKEA is not for me, never again will I brave the glory of man’s creation, never again will I allow what someone else’s perception of what they think I need confuse the simplicity of the truth. That is what is going on in churches up and down this land, the glory of the Lord has been replaced by the glory of man, and there is Icabod embossed upon the door. No matter how much of an impressive pile of junk there is inside the truth is not present. Let us remain in the simplicity of the truth of the gospel. Let us preach the simplicity of Christ and Christ crucified, and leave the complexity of modern theology to those who wish to navigate the perils and pitfalls of IKEA!!
Matthew 7:13
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it".
It has always been my experience that the accepted doctrine concerning these prophetic words of Jesus has been to avoid the road that leads to destruction at all costs. The focus of established understanding always seems to be centred upon the fact that there are two seperate paths, one leading to eternal damnation, the other leading to eternal life. If you will, one path leads to the pit of hell, the other would leads us to ascend the hill of the LORD. I have of late however, been considering a slightly different enturpretation of these verses.
Could it be that one path leads to the other? As we enter through the broad gate we find ourselves on the wide road with many companions. The road leads us through a landscape of refinement, ever increasingly calling upon us to die to ourselves, to our flesh, to our sinful desires. Infact this road takes us on to the total destruction of self, ultimately leading us to the narrow gate, so as the road continues on, those who continue to travel along it decrease.
Perhaps before we can enter through the narrow gate, we must walk the broad road, allowing the self to be destroyed. In a sense could not the broad road be the march to Calvary, the narrow gate being the Cross? Is it through this journey that we become crucified to the world and the world becomes crucified to us? Must we leave behind everything of the world, our flesh, ourselves, before we can enter through the narrow gate? It is interesting to denote the increasing levels of degradation that Jesus suffers along the road to Calvary, bringing Him to the epitomy of shame (in human terms), to be publically crucified naked , an innocent man sandwiched between two thieves, mocked and spat upon by the upper eshcelons on society.
Matthew 7:14
"But small is the gate and narrow the road that lead to eternal life, and only a few find it".
It is interesting to denote the level of subtlty and the enigmatic subdefuge employed by the legalistic paradigm whilst enturpreting these passages of scripture. You see the self will maraud as the Spirit and attempt to take responsibility for it's own death. Intersting that the devil can disguise himself as an angel of light! Here is the paradox, just think of it in physical terms, how do you crucify yourself? The circumstances of the death of self must be brought to bare by an external source, namely God's furnace of affliction. The refusal to walk the broad road, instead choosing to flounder along it, this is the antithesis to finding ones way through the narrow gate. It's no good going to the cross if you don't get on the cross! For by refusing to accept the grace of God, and embracing the reality that it is only through the destruction of the self that Christ may truly be revealed in us, one simply energises the flesh, lifting one into the straphospherical realms of self effort and self righteousness. It seems fascinating to think the last of the fruits of the spirit to be endowed upon the recipient is self control. The pinnicle of the Spirit's influencial manifestation in our temporal existence is the control of self. Paul said I die daily, could it be that at the depths of the exchanged life the Spirit stares into the face of the self daily, and subdues it accordingly ? Is this what it means when Jesus said few find it? Is it that few will ever allow themselves to be destroyed, leaving themselves as true conduits of the agape nature of God, fruitful branches having been grafted into the true vine through the cross of Christ. Few will ever walk this narrow road, as true vessels, temples of the Holy Ghost, unimpeded by self, over flowing with the life of Christ. Few will ever find their way to this road less travelled, but Father I pray you will open our hearts and our minds to the leading of Your Spirit as You guide us towards this higher calling which is upon us all, Amen.
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SShutes
