My journey began admist the tranquility and breath takingly beautiful surroundings of the Aberdeenshire coastline. It was early in the morning, the air was crisp and cutting, a deep sense of expectation was beginning to take a grip of me. I felt as if I was standing on the edge of a presipice, looking over the edge into an ocean of possibilities. What would be waiting for me back in the chaotic hussle and bussle of London town ? I remember saying to the Lord:

'  it feels like Kansas is about to go buy buy ! '

As I sat on the plane I reflected upon the events which had brought me to my current position, a strange triangular journey which had taken nearly two years. As I approached Heathrow it dawned upon me, God had orchestrated this entire serires of events, my trips to hell and back had been undertaken in the field of His ever watching gaze. His ever loving hands cradling me as I was cast into His furnace of affliction . The wisdom of the father seems to be so harsh untill you realise that the ends truly justifies the means, and beacause the end is Christ, the means are just as extreme to an unreleased mind.

I had left London eighteen months earlier bound for the coastline of Western Wales.It was May 8th 2005. On arriving I took a trip to hell and back, I would repeat that trip more than once over the following year and a half. I found myself plugged into a legalistic paradigm, acting and thinking inside it, but never questioning it. To a man who was born as if wearing a set of chains, freedom is not even a relative concept! How does a blind man explain what colours are? The result of living under a regime which dictated what was exceptable in thought, act and deed, was pure and unadulterated rebellion. I initiated patterns of behaviour which I knew were destructive. I was now a living example of the duality of self reighteousness, holy and blameless in speech and outward appearance, but filled with deceit. I dont even believe that I was saved at this point, because I wasn't trusting Christ for my salvation, only instead what I could do in His name.

On May 29th 2006 I arose early. It was a Monday moring and I was booked on a plane out of Cardiff airport, my first destination: Glasgow. I found it ironic to think that in all my travelling (which had been quite exstensive), I had never visited Scotland. After disembarking the plane, I made my way to Glasgow city centre, to the Buchanan Street bus station. The reality of the drugs epidemic which has hold over our nation is most easily observed to the outsider at bus and railway stations, and Buchanan street far from being an exception to the rule, seemed to be re-definining the rule in a whole new context. In other words: there were junkies everywhere!!  I waited for my bus which would take me on to my final destination: Aberdeen. The bus trip lasted three and a half hours, then I was there: Aberdeen, the most remote city in the British Isles I had ever the pleasure of visiting. At that point I still wasn't aware of the extent of my blindness, I hadn't had the epiphany of Grace. I was to be charged with the responsibility of the spiritual well being of a group of young impressionable Christians, and I still believed that you could lose your salvation, what was God thinking ?

Over the course of the next ten months I under went a series of traumatic set backs, every plan I made fell apart, every desire of my heart was stripped away, till I found myself at a crisis point, and then the phone rang. 

I knew about Nathan's grace ideology, I knew I would never get taken in by it! I remember speaking to a friend back in Wales and telling him it was ok, I was going to listen to what Nathan had to say, but I was solid, I'd be able to withstand this flaky grace offensive. To me it was low level stuff, I was more concerned with the weightier matters of the prophetic, hearing what the Spirit was saying to his "Church". The manifestation of revival was of far more importance to me than this do what you feel like gospel. It was December 12th 2006, I boarded the plane at Aberdeen's Dyce airport clutching onto a copy of a Jonathan Edward's revival classic, the name temporarily escapes me. As I flew over the Irish sea it was clear to me that my future lay in self sacrifice, fasting, prayer and travail, then we would see revival, and with it an age of purity and holiness would be ushered in. That was what we were in need of, man I was a miserable guy.

I stood with Nathan over looking the ocean on the beach front at Balbrigan, it was so beautiful! The sun was dancing over the waves, the birds sang a gentle chorus, I remarked to Nathan:

'Can you see it ?'

'See what ?' Nathan replied.

'The sin', I answered resoundingly. You see, I was so wrapped in my legalistic chains that all I could see when over looking this beautiful scene, painted by the hand of God, was God's judgement on sin. All that came to my tiny mind was how God had to baptise the world in the days of Noah. I knew nothing of the freedom which is only to be found by embracing the truth of the exchanged life and the indwelling life of Christ. I knew nothing of the true victory which one can only receive through the death of self and the resurective power of Jesus Christ. My world was totaly focused on one man.....me.

Over the course of the next ten hours we seemed to bounce of each other, over and over again. Then a bright and shinning light seemed to cut through my religious imprisioned  mind like a lazer beam, God dealt with the root of my bondage, and all at once like Paul on the road to Damascus, I met my saviour. 

The issue we were discussing was the question of : Once saved always saved. Needless to say the concept was totaly abhorent to me, but I was suddenly struck by this alarming thought:

'If I could lose my salvation, then by definition there is something I must do to keep it'. Hmmmm? Sounds quite religous to me all of a sudden, then came the TKO:

'For you are not under law, but under grace'. I heard a sound that reminded me of a pin ball machine going off in my head. DING DING DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

That was the begining. From that day on I embraced the truth and the truth set me free. Halelujah! Since that day every step I took seemed to lead me back to one ultimate destination, home.

So it was March 21st, 10.45am when my foot  stepped back onto the streets of London. The first thing I encountered was a hare chrsihna on the platform at Heathrow underground station, he attempted to sell me a copy of the baad vaad gita. He said it was for Christians too, it was 'just like the bible'. 

Since hearing the truth of this message of grace, love and the total acceptance of the Father of me, based not upon my works but rather upon my perfection in Christ, I have struggled to sit through the charasmatic chaos which is the pentecostal church to I belonged. That paradigm is well and truly de bunked. I am looking forward to grace east in a way which I cannot express in words. I thank God for the way in which He took me out to bring me in, Sunday will be the culmination of a journey which took me from London to Wales, to Scotland, to Ireland, back to Scotland, then finally home to my beloved London. I thank God for the men and women that God brought into my life over the last two years, it's funny but looking back I know that He was behind it all. I thank God I am here, back in the big city. Agape <><