“Small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys.” –
Author Unknown
June 15th is Father’s Day. It is a day that is set aside to recognise and honour the role of fathers in our society.This year these celebrations will be especially mooted in some circles in the UK as this is the year that our government (to its shame) past The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill as the London Times put it, “Women win the right to children without fathers” (The Times May 21 2008).I am neither a politician nor a fundamentalist but it seems to me that we are sleepwalking our way into a place that we’d be wise not to venture. I agree with Sigmund Freud’s observation when he said “I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection.”
As someone who grew up never knowing his father (I was raised in an orphanage) I am dumfounded by the idea that anyone should feel it appropriate to say that a child has no need of a father.As a pastor and counsellor I can tell you that the single biggest problem facing our country and many of the countries that I visit is one of “father-less-ness” it is a crisis that knows no limit.I am not saying that a single parent cannot bring up her children adequately far from it. Many of the mothers that I have the privilege of pastoring do a fantastic job of raising their children by themselves.Moreover, many married women, let alone single-mums have to do precisely that as their husbands whilst physically present are often emotionally absent from the home. What I am saying is that is children need the positive affirming influence of a resonant father-figure in their lives.I think that in the absence of a paternal father being that ‘father-figure’ is one of the most important contributions that Christian men can make to the spiritual communities in which they serve.
I know as a father of four children and as a child without a father that we underestimate the role of the father at our peril.Moreover, I also spent a period of time raising my children as a single-parent and I need no convincing of the value of a good mother (which the Lord was gracious enough to give me for my children). If it was deemed necessary for the only man in history to be born without the involvement of a man (Jesus Christ of Nazareth) to have an earthly father (Joseph the carpenter) then I think that there may be a fair chance that that in God’s mind at least a positive male role to compliment the role of the mother is to be preferred.It is intriguing that even anthropologists understand that the parental role assumed by human males is a critical difference between human society and that of humans' closest biological relatives - chimpanzees - who appear to be unaware of their "father" connection.
It has been suggested that "fathers who are able to develop into responsible parents are able to engender a number of significant benefits for themselves, their communities, and most importantly, their children." For example, children who experience significant father involvement tend to exhibit higher scores on assessments of cognitive development, enhanced social skills and fewer behaviour problems.Children need more than just “supportive parenting” they need a balanced perspective the type that can only be afforded them by a complimentary union of a man and woman both dedicated to the child’s good. So don't make a baby if you can't be a father. And as Philip Whitmore so aptly put it: Any fool can be a Father, but it takes a real man to be a Daddy!!Happy Father’s Day
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Paul Anderson Walsh
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